Reading What You Wrote

So there is absolutely no doubt about it that writing is beauty and art, but I'm always going back and forth between two opinions that I have about writing. A part of me loves it because if you write something, you can throw it away. It's like you've never even wrote it and it was still art but it was only art for a minute but that doesn't matter because it's still art. The other part of me thinks writing is amazing because it's like saving your life on a piece of measly paper. When you read something it takes you back to the exact time you wrote it. It feels like it's that same day and your experiencing those same feeling over again, which I guess can be a wonderfuk thing but also a horrible thing depending on the circumstances. I have notebooks from when I was in elementary school and even though most of it was nosense, it's still enjoyable seeing what mind set I was in and what I was feeling on those days such a long time ago and I hope that when I'm older than I am now I can look back on blogs and facebook and journals and see who I was now and compare it to who I've become. I have no doubt in my mind that I will probably change again; My ideas, my fashion sense, maybe my values. It's funny because a lot of the time when I go back and read stuff I've wrote, I don't even remember writing it. It's a reminder I guess that can be forgotten.

I Just Feel Like Talking

Haven't posted in forever! I had a few things going on but mostly because I was just being a tiny bit lazy. So I know I'm wishy washy and change my plans a lot...butttt, I've finally decided something permanent. I'm moving in with my boyfriend Tyler and my lovely friend Kaily a few hours from where we live now. It's exciting. The reason we are moving is mainly for college but I honestly love the area. It's all national parks and forests and woods, which is perfect for the new dog I'm going to get. I've decided Jack Russel Terrier (from the pound of courseve because I don't support back yard breeders). They are small which is perfect for an apartment, yet have tons of energy so they will be perfect to take on long hikes which I love doing!!!!! We've already all got accepted into the college and we just took a trip down there to look at apartments and we found a few we liked. The one we were in love with was bigger than the house I live in now. It was beautiful and on 9 acres of land but it was just a tiny bit more than what we can afford to pay every month, so we are going with a different appartment that the same guy is leasing out. It's a 3 bedroom apartment connected to 3 other apartments with a huge kitchen and huge bathroom with a pretty deck/porch. We have to fax him our rental applications tomorrow, and then we are moving in on June 13th or something like that. It'll be a nice change getting away from here for a few years and in case your wondering heres a little hair update from the cutting mishap:
So I cut it by myself which I shouldn't have done. I tried letting it grow up but it was so layerd aand choppy and thin so I bleached the black dye out myself and died it a reddish brown and then I went to a salon and had them blend my layers and cut 3 inches off just to even it all out. That was a month ago so now it's almost back to normal again. I just have to wait a couple more months for my length to grow back out again but other than that it looks great. Life is pretty good right now. It feels good taking charge and moving away. I'm excited to be on my own.

Impatience

So I'm really impatient and I cut my hair because I was getting antsy and i don't like it! It's still long; I didn't cut off any length but I got really huge short layers and it made my hair pretty thin. I can not cut it again! It won't be grown out for about 4 months so I guess I'll have fun waiting. I never learn my lesson. I just always cut my hair. Nothin much else has been new. The winter is still driving me crazy. I need to go hiking before I go insane. I've decided to hike the appalachian trail after I graduate. Sounds fun right?

If I Wrote Myself a Letter

If I did write myself a letter as a child. I'm not sure what it would say. It would start out reminding myself to never let the beauty of nature slip out of my favorite things list and to never forget the importance of my mind because essentially it controls everything I do. It might sat Deay Jessica, "beauty is only skin deep" is one of the most over used cliches but by far the most important. Fat people and skinny people have the same opportunities in life so don't make yourself think any less reguardless of what shape you are. You are the only one who can instill fear in yourself. It might say, Don't waste your time worrying because well, your wasting your life. And I'd probably tell myself to become addicted to Coffee earlier, lose my jealousy problems, trust more in your best friends but always rely on yourself. I'd tell myself to write everyday and that art is lifes escape.

So I Stopped Counting the Days

Okay it's a proven fact, I can't blog once a day. Is it because I have no time? Well, sometimes I suppose that's the case, other times it's because I have nothing to say, and probably 1/2 the time it's out of shear lazyness. So I didn't have school today. Alas mother nature hit my town with an incredible amount of snow and by the grace of God, someone who worked for the town of my inhabitance decided driving on the roads was too risky and called off school. Today was also my brothers birthday and he despises anything to do with even the word school so he was more than thankful that he was school free on his birthday. My two best friends (Tyler, who also happens to be my boyfriend, and Abby who, bless her heart, is one of the greatest wisest people on earth) and I took my brother sledding which was fun but horrible when I got a faceful of snow which happened a few times and then we went swimming at an indoor pool. It was wonderful; he was so greatful. (We took him out to eat as well and he got spagetti um might I say barf but he enjoyed it). So all in all the snow day was great. Last night we were anticipating the snow day so I stayed the night at Abby's which was wonderful. Today when we woke up we watched the movie "Dakota Skye", which I loveeddd. So I completely recommend that. I feel as if I have nothing else to say, so BYE!

Day Number 7

So I have no excuses, I didn't blog yesterday. I was typing a paper for school and got done and just went to bed...um oh well? I'm pretty sure today's will make up for it.
Lately I've been feeling, well I don't know sort of down I guess? Is that the right word... I don't realy want to say depressed, that seems kind of tough. I have two best friends. One is my boyfriend Tyler and the others name is Abby. She's beautiful in every way I can think of.
I was upset at school today and as we sat in the janitors office (our new designated lunch spot) she said to me "Jessica you should eat your own words." By that she means listen to myself when I say being unhappy is worthless. I've been dwelling on self image lately and she just drug me out of my hell pit and rose me somewhere high above any wasted life that cares materialistically at my school.
So we went our our own adventure curing a week long string of worries and low self asteem.
First stop Mcdonalds:
     2 MCchickens 
     2 medium fries   &
     2 ice creams later, we were feeling a bit better
sadly that was not enough.
I (not being a regular coffee drinker) was craving a cup of coffee and another good conversation,
so off to cuppy's coffee we went....but alas they weren't open.
We were already down town so we searched for a bit and came across a tiny diner. We decided it would do and entered. The whole time we were there we just talked and talked about things that people our age aren't normally discussing deeply. Deep conversations are our specialty. Why isn't marrige accepted at our age. Why everyone can't appreciate sitting in a old diner for 3 hours drinking cold coffee. After 4 cups of coffee and a bottled rootbeer, we left.
But that still wasn't enough so we left and went to a desert cafe. We ordered a citrus smoothie and a big iced sugar cookie.
Now my stomach was full and my head was clear.
Life is about making memories. Today was one I will never forget. It wasn't just where I went or what I ate, it was who I was with.
    

Day Number 5...sort of

So this is actually yesterdays blog. I tried and tried to get on here to post the blog but it wouldn't work for some reason so I had to type it on a word document and save it, but now it works so heres Yesterdays blog...

So today was good...minus the fact that I yet again woke up a bit late for school... That seems to be a regular occurance for me though. Tyler did not have to work for once in his life, so we did quite a bit today. Ate Olive Garden (which totally wan't worth it just as a by the way), and went some other places but nothing was as remarkable as turning off all the lights, lighting candles and slow dancing with him. There's just something about holding him close knowing that this life of ours will be together and hoping that every life that follows he is a part of in some way. Those are the times when I wish I could just pause and stare at that smile he gets, the one when he shows it on his face that he wouldn't trade me for 5 million dollars. Even though I know he never would, but I love it when he shows it with his smile and his eyes. Winter is finally getting to me. Every year I feel the anticipation of wanting the snow because I have good memories associated with winter. And every year I get so sick of freezing and not being able to hike whenever I want, or not being able to have a picnic on a daily basis. This is my last year of school/misery. I have no clue what I want to do with my life thereafter. College, no college? That truely is the question. Somedays I just feel like skipping out. College is over rated right? And other days it seems like the only way. Animals and Nature are my true passions but I can't think of anything I want to do bad enough to go to school for.

Life. Descions must be made.

I said now.

Please Stop yelling.

But he can't and she can't because they are being fueled.

And only when they stop, the world still yells.

Screams coming from the silence.

Silent terror.

Life does not wait so why should you says the sign laying on the dirt by the road.

So Just to be a rebel I stood still.

And now I am not dying anymore.